5 More Predictions From the Groundhog

Groundhog, Nature's Prognosticator (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Groundhog, Nature’s Prognosticator (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As you know, February 2nd, in addition to being the day of the big game (which will, again, not be mentioned by name to avoid any copyright/trademark issues), is also Groundhog day.  On this day, it is told that the groundhog will come out of his hole and predict whether we will have six more weeks of winter (by seeing his shadow), or an early spring by not seeing his shadow.

If you’re in Pennsylvania, Groundhog day is celebrated by forcibly pulling the groundhog out of his stump home and seeing if he sees his shadow under the glare of several Kleigl Lights and hundreds of video and still cameras.

What you may not know (or maybe you do if you read my blog regularly) is that the groundhog actually makes several predictions in addition to the meteorological forecast he is most famous for.

Let’s take a look at some of the predictions he is making for this year.

  1. Seattle 27, Denver 21 – The groundhog usually does make a prediction for the big game, but it rarely gets covered since the announcement of the pick usually happens after the big game.  This year, the groundhog is taking full advantage of the timing of Groundhog’s Day and announcing his pick mere hours before the big game (or, if you will, mere seconds before the pregame festivities).
  2. Piranhacano – This one came out so strong, it was hard for the groundhog to ignore it… no matter how hard he tried.  This year, the big Syfy movie will feature a volcano spewing out prehistoric piranha that fly around for some reason and kill off a whole bunch of d-level stars before being stopped by the combined might of Tiffany Darwish and Dave Coulier.
  3. Shark Jumping – Every year, the groundhog predicts which show will “jump the shark.”  By some bizarre circumstance, the groundhog predicts that Major League Baseball coverage will jump the shark this year.  No one really is sure how a sports league can jump the shark and no be some sort of wrestling, but the groundhog is adamant about this.  He further suggests that it will happen sometime around the all-star game.
  4. Kardashian Predictions – This year for the groundhog’s celebrity prediction, he predicts that Kim Kardashian will return to “reality” television with a new show on the Discovery Channel.  The theme will be a search for any actual talent, and when she and her celebrity panel weed those people out, the last ones standing will get their own insipid reality show.
  5. Best Picture – The groundhog was a bit cryptic with his pick for best picture this year.  The groundhog kept alluding to the gravity of the situation.  No one seemed to understand what he meant since they were a bit amazed by the fact that the groundhog was actually speaking.

About chyrondave

Avid comic reader, amateur writer, music fan, and someone with opinions, lots of opinions.

Posted on February 2, 2014, in Lists, Observation, Personal, The Fives and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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