Little Known Groundhog Predictions


Groundhog (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On February 2nd, the groundhog comes out of its burrow and takes a look around.  If he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.  If not, then spring will be near.

That is unless, of course, that groundhog lives in Punxsutawney, then he is forcibly pulled out of his home by a couple of guys in top hats who then put him on a pedestal to see if he sees his shadow… underneath several hundred camera lights and flashes.

But, what is not known is that the groundhog has made many predictions beyond the weather.  These predictions, however, are not so widely known.

  1. Winning Teams – The groundhog has predicted the winner for that year’s Super Bowl with a 99% accuracy.  This prediction is not so widely known since the groundhog has always made his announcement of the winner on the 2nd, which has followed the Super Bowl all but eight times.  The groundhog’s pick for this Super Bowl?  San Francisco over Ravens by two touchdowns.
  2. Best Picture – The groundhog always has a prediction for Best Picture for the Academy Awards.  This prediction is not so widely publicized because the groundhog’s predictions have been less than even.  It seems that the groundhog his not as much of a movie snob as to pick artsy pictures like The Artist.
  3. Valentine’s Day – Even lesser known is the groundhog’s predictions about love and Valentine’s Day.  This is due to the fact that this prediction is super specific.  It seems that every year, the groundhog predicts the dating status of one man in Connecticut.  Why the groundhog has picked this one man is unknown.  But every year, the groundhog predicts that this man will be alone on Valentine’s Day… often followed by the groundhog equivalent of, “loser.”  It would seem that the groundhog is a bit of a jerk in this regard.
  4. Sharks – This prediction has nothing to do with maritime predators.  The groundhog, every year, picks one show which will “jump the shark,” explaining exactly how the show will do so.  Not many know of these predictions since they tend to go on for many pages in excruciating detail as to the plot points how the show has jumped the shark.  It is known that the groundhog has successfully predicted exactly when and how Buffy the Vampire Slayer, One Tree Hill, ER, and How I Met Your Mother jumped their respective sharks. 
  5. General Celebrity Notes – The groundhog always has a few celebrity predictions for the year, though they are not always so widely known.  The biggest one for this year is that during the delivery of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s baby, Taylor Swift will interrupt to let everyone in the delivery room know that she thought that Beyonce’s labor was so much better.

About chyrondave

Avid comic reader, amateur writer, music fan, and someone with opinions, lots of opinions.

Posted on February 3, 2013, in Lists, The Fives and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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