Five People You Don’t Want To Be Near At A Restaurant

King Eddie's Restaurant, 1954

King Eddie’s Restaurant, 1954 (Photo credit: Seattle Municipal Archives)

Dining out is supposed to be a pleasant experience.  You enjoy good food, good company, and the nice ambiance of the restaurant.

Unfortunately, there are those out there who absolutely insist on making your dining experience as unpleasant as possible.

The Screamers

Screamers are the young children and babies who just are not happy.  Sadly, they absolutely insist on making sure that the rest of the restaurant knows it.  Granted, there really is not much you can do about a screaming child, unless, that is, you are the parent.  In most situations, one of the parents will take the screamer out of the restaurant until the child calms down.  It’s what my mom did when I was the screamer so many years ago.

But, there are some out there who are perfectly willing to just let the kid scream it out.  For an hour.  Or more.

I am not really sure what goes through their minds when they let this happen.  It obviously is not any consideration for the people around them.

Loud Cell Phone Talkers

Loud cell phone talkers are just like anyone else.   They are fairly quiet, and tend to talk at a reasonable level.

At least, that is, until the cell phone rings.

I don’t know if it is a bad connection that they are dealing with, or the phone’s volume is stuck at low, but immediately, their voices become louder.  It’s like the person all of a sudden feels the need to project his voice.

It also seems that the worse the subject matter is, the louder they talk.  Case in point.  I once had to listen to a loud cell phone talker at a local restaurant who happened to be a coroner or a medical examiner.  I am really not sure which, bust he was talking shop on his cell phone… very loudly.  Everyone around him was losing their appetite as he began to talk someone though an autopsy.  Eventually, he said, “Put ‘im in a body bag and freeze ‘im.”

Very pleasant dinner conversation indeed.


Kickers are really only an annoyance when they are sitting in booths.  And, even then, it’s only to the adjoining table.  Kickers feel the need to constantly keep their feet in motion.  They do this by kicking the booth that they are sitting in.  At the very least, the “thump thump thump” for an hour is annoying.  But, if you get a strong kicker, you can actually feel each blow through the booth like some broken vibrating massage chair.


Singers are those restaurant customers who really enjoy the song that’s playing over the speakers.  So much so they feel the need to sing along with it.  If you are lucky, that person is Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson.  Sadly, no one really is that lucky and what you end up with is an off-key concert of songs sung wrongly.

It would be nice to tell these people that karaoke night is not tonight, or hear for that matter, but it really only encourages them that much more.


Manipulators are the worse of all.  A manipulator will order a cheeseburger with fries, but will say they ordered a hamburger with cole slaw when their order is delivered.  A manipulator will order a steak medium rare, but then say they ordered it well done when it is brought out.

The manipulator likes to play games on the assumption that if he (or she) can double talk the waitress or waiter enough, they can weasel out a free meal out of the restaurant.  At the very least, they use it to justify not leaving a tip.  Manipulators are horrible to sit near because you undoubtedly hear everything they are doing, and forced to watch them make life a living Hell for the wait staff.  Worse, you feel guilty about it since you are basically witnessing a crime and really do not know what to do about it.


About chyrondave

Avid comic reader, amateur writer, music fan, and someone with opinions, lots of opinions.

Posted on October 17, 2012, in Lists, Personal, The Fives and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Don’t forget the parents who let their children run amok and do nothing to discipline them. Good post.

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