People You Meet At The Buffet – Part 6

A part of the aniversary buffet

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Okay, you managed to wait until the line thinned out so you do not have to deal with the salmon.  And you watched the specialists and deciders return to their seats (hopefully without clearing out all of the brisket or mashed potatoes).  It’s clear sailing, there are no more people who will stand in your way.

Not so fast.

The Conversationalist

Conversationalists are a special breed of obstruction.  Conversationalists will not jump or cut lines, or push their way against the flow of the line.  But, Conversationalists are probably one of the most annoying type of buffet obstruction.

What makes the conversationalist special is that they are always present in groups of two or more, and often have a deep-seated need to discuss the events of the day.  This is usually right in front of the carving station, or whatever delicacy that you desire.  For the conversationalist, all forward motion stops, along with any food gathering.

Conversationalists do not necessarily arrive together.  In fact, the best conversationalists (that is, the best at being a human roadblock) are usually  those that meet at the buffet by happenstance.

“Hey, Jimmy, How you doin’?  I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Hey, Mike, it has been a long time.  Let me lean against the counter right in front of the stuffing so we can reconnect.”

Conversationalists also have a great tendency of pulling more people into their web of obstruction.  Usually, these people are other members of their dining party.

“Millie, have you seen how big Johnny’s gotten?”

“Is this Johnny?  I remember you when you were this high.”

“He had grown like a weed.  Now, Johnny, stand over in front of the fried chicken while we reminisce.”

The worst part about conversationalists is that when you attempt to excuse yourself to reach the rolls, you are treated like the bad guy for rudely interrupting their conversation.

The Teleconversationalist

You have to love technology.  In this day and age, there has arisen a new variation of the conversationalist.  The teleconversationalist does not need any additional people to help them be an obstacle, they have technology.  The teleconversationalist is usually attached to their cell phones (most often hand-held).  While they do proceed down the buffet line, they do so at a speed far slower than the average person.  This is because the are trying to serve their food and talk on the phone at the same time.  The conversation is so important (usually, “Are you there?  Can you hear me?  Hello?  Hello?”), that the teleconversationalist must carry their plate with the same hand that they are serving with.   And thanks to the wonders of smart phones, now the teleconversationalist can check their email and text while dishing out a serving of baked fish.  Well, not really, since they often need both hands to send the email/text, forcing them to put their plate down and stop their forward movement.

About chyrondave

Avid comic reader, amateur writer, music fan, and someone with opinions, lots of opinions.

Posted on January 27, 2012, in At The Buffet, Observation, Opinion, Personal, Pop Culture and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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