People You Meet At The Buffet – Part 5

smörgåsbord), Swedish buffet

Image via Wikipedia

We have already covered some of the people you will see at the buffet disrupting the lines.  But, cutters, hoppers, and salmon are not the only ones who disrupt the show of food gathering.

The Decider

The Decider obstructs your path to the food.  But, unlike Salmon, cutters and hoppers, deciders will do so in a very special way.

The decider is not quite sure what they want at the buffet.  This is understandable is the buffet has a large selection.  What makes the decider different from any other person in line is that they will consider whether or not they actually want the food item as they stand before the item in question.  They may not know for sure if they want a piece of meatloaf, so they stand there and think about it, right in front of the meatloaf.  They may not know what they want, but they will make sure no one else gets to pick before they have made a decision.  More advanced deciders will actually take hold of the serving spoon/fork, thus making sure that absolutely no one else can pick the item before they make their decision.

The Tag Team Decider

This is a special variety of the decider, set apart by the simple fact that they are not just deciding for themselves, but for someone else.  Often times, the tag team decider is a parent/guardian-child combination, with the child often too young to make the decision of what he/she wants to eat for themselves.  That does not stop their tag team partner from asking them what they want.

“Do you want carrots?”

“Do you want mashed potatoes?”

“Well, what do you want?”

Often, you do have to have some sympathy for the tag team decider since they are dealing with someone who, if given the opportunity, will heap a gigantic mound of mashed potatoes on their plate and nothing else.

The Criticizer

The criticizer is another specialized decider.  Like the decider, the criticizer will block access to food while they attempt to decide whether or not they wish to partake of the blocked food item.  What sets the decider apart is their tendency to use the serving utensil to play with the food in the tray, then making some disparaging remark as they decide to move on.  This can take the form of a random sneer of disapproval, or an outright comment about the food item in question.  Often, it is more important for the criticizer to have people know what they think rather than actually getting the food.

“Macaroni and cheese?  I don’t like that.”

“These carrots are too mushy.”

I am of the impression that many criticizers were food critics in past lives, and part of that has carried over into this life.  Either that, or if you don’t believe in past lives, they are just opinionated jerks.

About chyrondave

Avid comic reader, amateur writer, music fan, and someone with opinions, lots of opinions.

Posted on January 25, 2012, in At The Buffet, Observation, Opinion, Personal, Pop Culture and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. So funny! You had me when you started talking about someone standing in front of meat loaf….Lol

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