Monthly Archives: June 2007

Worst Movies of the Last 10 Years

Let me start off by stating that this is my list. Undoubtedly, there will me people out there who will think I’m crazy for choosing what I have. If you care to make suggestions, be my guest, but remember, this is strictly my own opinion.

As for my criteria, it’s pretty simple. First off, the movie had to be released within the past 10 years (1997-2007). Secondly, I had to have seen it. Sure, Town & Country may have been hideous, but I didn’t see it, so it doesn’t count. Finally, it must have been released in theaters. This rules out all direct to DVD and Sci-Fi channel shlockfests.

The list (in no particular order)

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace – A real disappointment since the first three movies which are actually the last three movies (I’m stopping there before the headache gets worse). The characters were flat (except Jar Jar Binks, who was just annoying), and the story was weak, a real shame considering how long Lucas had to work on it. This was the movie that made me not want to pay full price for a movie again (yay matinée).

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones – Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet.

Aeon Flux – I never really got into the original MTV cartoon, beyond the occasional appearance on Liquid Television. I was willing to give the movie a chance. Unfortunately, I found it totally incomprehensible. Sadly, I doubt that following the original source material would have improved the experience.

Ultraviolet – Probably the first time in a long time that I’ve watched a movie and not cared one bit about what was going on in the movie. Basically, it’s on this list because I was left with a feeling of great indifference.

Batman & Robin – I loved Burton’s first Batman, and liked Batman Returns, though I felt that there were too many villains. Batman Forever was so-so; I would have preferred a more cerebral Riddler (like in 1990’s cartoon series). But Batman & Robin? Poor acting from Clooney, Silverstone, and absolute wastes of villains Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Bane (who could have carried a movie on his own… if he was done like the comic). Clooney was right, he killed the franchise. Thankfully, Hollywood had a Lazarus Pit (ask a comic geek if you don’t get that).

Alone in the Dark – Why is this on the list? Because they cast Tara Reid as a scientist.

House of the Dead – Based off a video game (and bearing little resemblance to it), this movie was not just clichéd, but horribly clichéd. It’s no surprise that reviews of its sequel often say, “This isn’t by any means a good movie, but at least it isn’t as bad as the original.”

Bloodrayne – This movie cemented Uwe Boll’s reputation as a 21st century Ed Wood Jr. (though, let’s face it, Plan Nine From Outer Space is so much better than anything Boll has produced). Also remember, Uwe Boll is also responsible for the above mentioned House of the Dead.

Matrix Reloaded/Matrix Revolutions – My final two movies for the list, which I put together for a specific reason. In my opinion, these two movies, separately, are two pale sequels to the original Matrix. If you would take these two movies, make a few edits (like cutting down the orgy in the grotto from the second movie), and combine them into one 2 hour movie, you would probably have a real good movie. Otherwise, as 2 separate movies, it just dragged way too much.

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