How to Tell if You’re Patheticly Lonely
1) You’re fondest memory of romance is when you failed to ask the girl you had a crush on out.
2) You refer to TV shows by the names of their attractive female cast members (example: The Abby Show instead of NCIS).
3) Putting Mercury on your list has nothing to do with the cars themselves.
4) You watch NFL every Sunday not for the games, but for the brief moment when the cheerleaders are shown.
4a) You remember refer to Super Bowl XXVIII as the one where the Dallas Cowgirls beat the Buffalo Jills.
5) Your five rock hard standards for finding a girl attractive have diminished to one.
5a) “Liking you” isn’t the remaining rock hard standard.
6) You read the comics and wonder if Mother Goose is available.
7) You have your name taken off the no-call list so that you will get some phone calls.
8 ) You wish you had the active social life of the two guys in the Barcardi and Cola commercials.