The Worst 10 in the Past 10 – Revised

I originally did this roughly two years ago. In that time, I felt it was necessary to revisit the list, seeing what may have dropped off, and what may have been added.

The criteria for the list is simple. First (and obviously), the movie had to have been released in the last ten years (2001 to 2011). Secondly, I had to have seen it, or at least enough of it to know it’s garbage. Finally, it had to have seen theatrical release (thus eliminating a number of direct to DVD and Sci-Fi Channel movies).

I do hope to make a Best 10 in the Last 10 list, but this one is a lot easier to compile.

The List (in no particular order)

1) Piranha 2010 - Not much should be expected of a movie that is based off a Roger Corman movie.  Corman’s films are not exactly known for being… what’s the world… good.  But, at least Corman gave you a cast of characters that you could kind of care about.  With the exception of Elisabeth Shue’s Sheriff Forester, that just aren’t any character that you feel sorry for when they get eaten by the titular creatures.  In truth, this movie seems to exist only to show off the naked bodies of one-dimensional (ironic phrase, considering this movie was released in 3D) characters Danni and Crystal, but special gore effects used to show the carnage of the piranha.

2) Star Wars Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones 2002 – Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet. I stopped watching Star Wars movies altogether because of this one.

3) Aeon Flux 2005 – Beyond the occasional appearance on MTV’s Liquid Television, I never really got into Aeon Flux. When I watched this movie, I found it incomprehensible. Somehow, I have a feeling watching the original series would do anything to clear up the confusion.

4) Ultraviolet 2006 – It is really saying something when half way through watching a movie, you decide to do something a bit more interesting, like house cleaning. This movie just did not make me care about it at all.

5) Alone in the Dark 2005 – Seriously. Did casting really think we would believe that Tara Reid was a scientist?

6) House of the Dead 2003 - The second Uwe Boll movie on the list (Boll directed Alone in the Dark), House of the Dead was based off the arcade shooter. The movie is horribly clichéd, badly acted, and just downright bad.

7) Bloodrayne 2005 - The third Uwe Boll film on the list, and probably the one that cemented his reputation as the Ed Wood Jr. of the 21st century, though that’s really kind of an insult to Ed Wood Jr. Even more shocking is that Ben Kinglsey, the man who played Gandhi (and won an oscar for that role) was in this… movie.

8 ) Matrix Reloaded 2003

9) Matrix Revolutions 2003 - I put these two movies together not because they are both Matrix movies, but because personally, I think the two of them, edited down and merged into one, could have been a great movie. Instead, what we got were two movies with scenes that were way too long (some almost painfully long), and action sequences that were added to say, “Hey, look what we can do!”

10) Underworld: Evolution 2006- I had high hopes for this movie. I loved the first one. Sadly, I was disappointed in this one. The story seemed to go nowhere, the characters seemed to do nothing, and the love scene between Selene and Michael seemed to be there so that the director could say, “Oh yeah, that’s who I get to sleep with every night.” From what I heard, the third movie in the series is supposed to be vastly better. From what I’ve seen of this one, I don’t think it could be worse.

The Worst 10 in the Last 10

I originally did this roughly two years ago. In that time, I felt it was necessary to revisit the list, seeing what may have dropped off, and what may have been added.

The criteria for the list is simple. First (and obviously), the movie had to have been released in the last ten years (1999 to 2009). Secondly, I had to have seen it, or at least enough of it to know it’s garbage. Finally, it had to have seen theatrical release (thus eliminating a number of direct to DVD and Sci-Fi Channel movies).

I do hope to make a Best 10 in the Last 10 list, but this one is a lot easier to compile.

The List (in no particular order)

1) Star Wars Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace 1999 - Squeaking in under the timeline wire, the first of Lucas’ new Star Wars films, and a real disappointment. The characters were flat (except Jar Jar Binks, who was just annoying), and the story was weak, a real shame considering how long Lucas had to work on it. This was the movie that made me not want to pay full price for a movie again (yay matinée).

2) Star Wars Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones 2002 – Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet. I stopped watching Star Wars movies altogether because of this one.

3) Aeon Flux 2005 – Beyond the occasional appearance on MTV’s Liquid Television, I never really got into Aeon Flux. When I watched this movie, I found it incomprehensible. Somehow, I have a feeling watching the original series would do anything to clear up the confusion.

4) Ultraviolet 2006 – It is really saying something when half way through watching a movie, you decide to do something a bit more interesting, like house cleaning. This movie just did not make me care about it at all.

5) Alone in the Dark 2005 – Seriously. Did casting really think we would believe that Tara Reid was a scientist?

6) House of the Dead 2003 - The second Uwe Boll movie on the list (Boll directed Alone in the Dark), House of the Dead was based off the arcade shooter. The movie is horribly clichéd, badly acted, and just downright bad.

7) Bloodrayne 2005 - The third Uwe Boll film on the list, and probably the one that cemented his reputation as the Ed Wood Jr. of the 21st century, though that’s really kind of an insult to Ed Wood Jr. Even more shocking is that Ben Kinglsey, the man who played Gandhi (and won an oscar for that role) was in this… movie.

8 ) Matrix Reloaded 2003

9) Matrix Revolutions 2003 – A poll these two movies together not because they are both Matrix movies, but because personally, I think the two of them, edited down and merged into one, could have been a great movie. Instead, what we got were two movies with scenes that were way too long (some almost painfully long), and action sequences that were added to say, “Hey, look what we can do!”

10) Underworld: Evolution 2006- I had high hopes for this movie. I loved the first one. Sadly, I was disappointed in this one. The story seemed to go nowhere, the characters seemed to do nothing, and the love scene between Selene and Michael seemed to be there so that the director could say, “Oh yeah, that’s who I get to sleep with every night.” From what I heard, the third movie in the series is supposed to be vastly better. From what I’ve seen of this one, I don’t think it could be worse.

Worst Movies of the Last 10 Years

Let me start off by stating that this is my list. Undoubtedly, there will me people out there who will think I’m crazy for choosing what I have. If you care to make suggestions, be my guest, but remember, this is strictly my own opinion.

As for my criteria, it’s pretty simple. First off, the movie had to be released within the past 10 years (1997-2007). Secondly, I had to have seen it. Sure, Town & Country may have been hideous, but I didn’t see it, so it doesn’t count. Finally, it must have been released in theaters. This rules out all direct to DVD and Sci-Fi channel shlockfests.

The list (in no particular order)

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace - A real disappointment since the first three movies which are actually the last three movies (I’m stopping there before the headache gets worse). The characters were flat (except Jar Jar Binks, who was just annoying), and the story was weak, a real shame considering how long Lucas had to work on it. This was the movie that made me not want to pay full price for a movie again (yay matinée).

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones – Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet.

Aeon Flux – I never really got into the original MTV cartoon, beyond the occasional appearance on Liquid Television. I was willing to give the movie a chance. Unfortunately, I found it totally incomprehensible. Sadly, I doubt that following the original source material would have improved the experience.

Ultraviolet – Probably the first time in a long time that I’ve watched a movie and not cared one bit about what was going on in the movie. Basically, it’s on this list because I was left with a feeling of great indifference.

Batman & Robin – I loved Burton’s first Batman, and liked Batman Returns, though I felt that there were too many villains. Batman Forever was so-so; I would have preferred a more cerebral Riddler (like in 1990′s cartoon series). But Batman & Robin? Poor acting from Clooney, Silverstone, and absolute wastes of villains Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Bane (who could have carried a movie on his own… if he was done like the comic). Clooney was right, he killed the franchise. Thankfully, Hollywood had a Lazarus Pit (ask a comic geek if you don’t get that).

Alone in the Dark – Why is this on the list? Because they cast Tara Reid as a scientist.

House of the Dead - Based off a video game (and bearing little resemblance to it), this movie was not just clichéd, but horribly clichéd. It’s no surprise that reviews of its sequel often say, “This isn’t by any means a good movie, but at least it isn’t as bad as the original.”

Bloodrayne - This movie cemented Uwe Boll’s reputation as a 21st century Ed Wood Jr. (though, let’s face it, Plan Nine From Outer Space is so much better than anything Boll has produced). Also remember, Uwe Boll is also responsible for the above mentioned House of the Dead.

Matrix Reloaded/Matrix Revolutions – My final two movies for the list, which I put together for a specific reason. In my opinion, these two movies, separately, are two pale sequels to the original Matrix. If you would take these two movies, make a few edits (like cutting down the orgy in the grotto from the second movie), and combine them into one 2 hour movie, you would probably have a real good movie. Otherwise, as 2 separate movies, it just dragged way too much.