Cover via Amazon
I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
Darth Vader (voiced by James Earl Jones)
Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
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Saturday Songs – May 4, 2013
It was a bit of a dilemma. Do I pick a song that is oriented towards comics since this is Free Comic Book Day? Or, do I pick a song that is Star Wars in theme, since it is May the Fourth (be with you… sound it out).
I decided on this.
and this.
Enjoy!
5 Reasons Why Star Wars Is Dead To Me
Français : Logo de la trilogie original de Star Wars retouché. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I used to be a Star Wars fan. Used to being the operative phrase. You could say that Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones was the one that hammered the final nail into that coffin. But really, it had been happening for quite some time. And it isn’t simply a matter that I have been getting older and now Star Wars is meant for a younger audience. There are some very specific points in which took shots at my former love of Star Wars.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
5 Changes Resulting From Disney Buying Lucasfilm
Image via CrunchBase
Lucasfilm (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
As you all undoubtedly know by know, Disney has bought Lucasfilm for $8 billion. The biggest announcement out of this has been that Star Wars VII will happen. But, there are a few other changes that you may not have known about.
- Jar Jar Binks will be digitally replaced in all Star Wars movies with Goofy.
- Spaceship Earth redecorated and renamed The Death Star.
- Howard the Duck gets a sequel, though it ends abruptly when Donald shoots Howard.
- The next Indiana Jones movie will be called Indiana Jones and the Search for the Shortest Line in the Park.
- Snow White and the Seven Ewoks.
Quote of the Day – March 13, 2012
Unite Against the Common Enemy
Image via Wikipedia
George Takei urges Star Wars and Trek fans to unite against Twilight
Can the two Sci-Fi super powers unite against this dark menace.
Related articles
- George Takei vs. Twilight of the Day (geeks.thedailywh.at)
- George Takei asks STAR WARS and STAR TREK Fans to Unite Against TWILIGHT (geektyrant.com)
- George Takei Smacks Down ‘Twilight’ (huffingtonpost.com)
- George Takei Wants to Unite Star Wars Fans and Star Trek Fans in War Against Twilight [Video] (gizmodo.com)
The Worst 10 in the Past 10 – Revised
I originally did this roughly two years ago. In that time, I felt it was necessary to revisit the list, seeing what may have dropped off, and what may have been added.
The criteria for the list is simple. First (and obviously), the movie had to have been released in the last ten years (2001 to 2011). Secondly, I had to have seen it, or at least enough of it to know it’s garbage. Finally, it had to have seen theatrical release (thus eliminating a number of direct to DVD and Sci-Fi Channel movies).
I do hope to make a Best 10 in the Last 10 list, but this one is a lot easier to compile.
The List (in no particular order)
1) Piranha 2010 - Not much should be expected of a movie that is based off a Roger Corman movie. Corman’s films are not exactly known for being… what’s the world… good. But, at least Corman gave you a cast of characters that you could kind of care about. With the exception of Elisabeth Shue’s Sheriff Forester, that just aren’t any character that you feel sorry for when they get eaten by the titular creatures. In truth, this movie seems to exist only to show off the naked bodies of one-dimensional (ironic phrase, considering this movie was released in 3D) characters Danni and Crystal, but special gore effects used to show the carnage of the piranha.
2) Star Wars Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones 2002 – Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet. I stopped watching Star Wars movies altogether because of this one.
3) Aeon Flux 2005 – Beyond the occasional appearance on MTV’s Liquid Television, I never really got into Aeon Flux. When I watched this movie, I found it incomprehensible. Somehow, I have a feeling watching the original series would do anything to clear up the confusion.
4) Ultraviolet 2006 – It is really saying something when half way through watching a movie, you decide to do something a bit more interesting, like house cleaning. This movie just did not make me care about it at all.
5) Alone in the Dark 2005 – Seriously. Did casting really think we would believe that Tara Reid was a scientist?
6) House of the Dead 2003 - The second Uwe Boll movie on the list (Boll directed Alone in the Dark), House of the Dead was based off the arcade shooter. The movie is horribly clichéd, badly acted, and just downright bad.
7) Bloodrayne 2005 - The third Uwe Boll film on the list, and probably the one that cemented his reputation as the Ed Wood Jr. of the 21st century, though that’s really kind of an insult to Ed Wood Jr. Even more shocking is that Ben Kinglsey, the man who played Gandhi (and won an oscar for that role) was in this… movie.
8 ) Matrix Reloaded 2003
9) Matrix Revolutions 2003 - I put these two movies together not because they are both Matrix movies, but because personally, I think the two of them, edited down and merged into one, could have been a great movie. Instead, what we got were two movies with scenes that were way too long (some almost painfully long), and action sequences that were added to say, “Hey, look what we can do!”
10) Underworld: Evolution 2006- I had high hopes for this movie. I loved the first one. Sadly, I was disappointed in this one. The story seemed to go nowhere, the characters seemed to do nothing, and the love scene between Selene and Michael seemed to be there so that the director could say, “Oh yeah, that’s who I get to sleep with every night.” From what I heard, the third movie in the series is supposed to be vastly better. From what I’ve seen of this one, I don’t think it could be worse.
The Worst 10 in the Last 10
I originally did this roughly two years ago. In that time, I felt it was necessary to revisit the list, seeing what may have dropped off, and what may have been added.
The criteria for the list is simple. First (and obviously), the movie had to have been released in the last ten years (1999 to 2009). Secondly, I had to have seen it, or at least enough of it to know it’s garbage. Finally, it had to have seen theatrical release (thus eliminating a number of direct to DVD and Sci-Fi Channel movies).
I do hope to make a Best 10 in the Last 10 list, but this one is a lot easier to compile.
The List (in no particular order)
1) Star Wars Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace 1999 - Squeaking in under the timeline wire, the first of Lucas’ new Star Wars films, and a real disappointment. The characters were flat (except Jar Jar Binks, who was just annoying), and the story was weak, a real shame considering how long Lucas had to work on it. This was the movie that made me not want to pay full price for a movie again (yay matinée).
2) Star Wars Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones 2002 – Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet. I stopped watching Star Wars movies altogether because of this one.
3) Aeon Flux 2005 – Beyond the occasional appearance on MTV’s Liquid Television, I never really got into Aeon Flux. When I watched this movie, I found it incomprehensible. Somehow, I have a feeling watching the original series would do anything to clear up the confusion.
4) Ultraviolet 2006 – It is really saying something when half way through watching a movie, you decide to do something a bit more interesting, like house cleaning. This movie just did not make me care about it at all.
5) Alone in the Dark 2005 – Seriously. Did casting really think we would believe that Tara Reid was a scientist?
6) House of the Dead 2003 - The second Uwe Boll movie on the list (Boll directed Alone in the Dark), House of the Dead was based off the arcade shooter. The movie is horribly clichéd, badly acted, and just downright bad.
7) Bloodrayne 2005 - The third Uwe Boll film on the list, and probably the one that cemented his reputation as the Ed Wood Jr. of the 21st century, though that’s really kind of an insult to Ed Wood Jr. Even more shocking is that Ben Kinglsey, the man who played Gandhi (and won an oscar for that role) was in this… movie.
8 ) Matrix Reloaded 2003
9) Matrix Revolutions 2003 – A poll these two movies together not because they are both Matrix movies, but because personally, I think the two of them, edited down and merged into one, could have been a great movie. Instead, what we got were two movies with scenes that were way too long (some almost painfully long), and action sequences that were added to say, “Hey, look what we can do!”
10) Underworld: Evolution 2006- I had high hopes for this movie. I loved the first one. Sadly, I was disappointed in this one. The story seemed to go nowhere, the characters seemed to do nothing, and the love scene between Selene and Michael seemed to be there so that the director could say, “Oh yeah, that’s who I get to sleep with every night.” From what I heard, the third movie in the series is supposed to be vastly better. From what I’ve seen of this one, I don’t think it could be worse.
Worst Movies of the Last 10 Years
Let me start off by stating that this is my list. Undoubtedly, there will me people out there who will think I’m crazy for choosing what I have. If you care to make suggestions, be my guest, but remember, this is strictly my own opinion.
As for my criteria, it’s pretty simple. First off, the movie had to be released within the past 10 years (1997-2007). Secondly, I had to have seen it. Sure, Town & Country may have been hideous, but I didn’t see it, so it doesn’t count. Finally, it must have been released in theaters. This rules out all direct to DVD and Sci-Fi channel shlockfests.
The list (in no particular order)
Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace - A real disappointment since the first three movies which are actually the last three movies (I’m stopping there before the headache gets worse). The characters were flat (except Jar Jar Binks, who was just annoying), and the story was weak, a real shame considering how long Lucas had to work on it. This was the movie that made me not want to pay full price for a movie again (yay matinée).
Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones – Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet.
Aeon Flux – I never really got into the original MTV cartoon, beyond the occasional appearance on Liquid Television. I was willing to give the movie a chance. Unfortunately, I found it totally incomprehensible. Sadly, I doubt that following the original source material would have improved the experience.
Ultraviolet – Probably the first time in a long time that I’ve watched a movie and not cared one bit about what was going on in the movie. Basically, it’s on this list because I was left with a feeling of great indifference.
Batman & Robin – I loved Burton’s first Batman, and liked Batman Returns, though I felt that there were too many villains. Batman Forever was so-so; I would have preferred a more cerebral Riddler (like in 1990′s cartoon series). But Batman & Robin? Poor acting from Clooney, Silverstone, and absolute wastes of villains Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Bane (who could have carried a movie on his own… if he was done like the comic). Clooney was right, he killed the franchise. Thankfully, Hollywood had a Lazarus Pit (ask a comic geek if you don’t get that).
Alone in the Dark – Why is this on the list? Because they cast Tara Reid as a scientist.
House of the Dead - Based off a video game (and bearing little resemblance to it), this movie was not just clichéd, but horribly clichéd. It’s no surprise that reviews of its sequel often say, “This isn’t by any means a good movie, but at least it isn’t as bad as the original.”
Bloodrayne - This movie cemented Uwe Boll’s reputation as a 21st century Ed Wood Jr. (though, let’s face it, Plan Nine From Outer Space is so much better than anything Boll has produced). Also remember, Uwe Boll is also responsible for the above mentioned House of the Dead.
Matrix Reloaded/Matrix Revolutions – My final two movies for the list, which I put together for a specific reason. In my opinion, these two movies, separately, are two pale sequels to the original Matrix. If you would take these two movies, make a few edits (like cutting down the orgy in the grotto from the second movie), and combine them into one 2 hour movie, you would probably have a real good movie. Otherwise, as 2 separate movies, it just dragged way too much.
Ick!
“I’d rather watch Barney than Star Wars.” – Some kid who (obviously) saw Episode 2
I used to be a Star Wars fan. Used to be is the operative term since I now consider myself a Doctor Who/Stargate SG-1/Andromeda/Battlestar Galactica/CSI/anything other than Star Wars fan. It wasn’t even all at once either. It was worn away by Star Wars Episodes 1 and 2. I went to a Midnight showing of Episode 1. After sitting through that, I decided I wasn’t going to pay full price for another Star Wars movie. So I hit the matinée of Episode 2. Halfway through it, I thought to myself, “If I left now, I wouldn’t care less.” Never have I ever wanted to walk out of a movie before. And I sat through Tank Girl. Tank Girl! Not even Naomi Watts admits she saw that movie, and she was in it.
Anyhow, reading a posting on another site by the author of Field Guide to the Apocalypse (love the book, by the way) about what she thought about Star Wars made me think about what killed my love of Star Wars. Granted, if I had seen Episode 3, I probably would come up with a slew of new reasons. But for now, I have to work with what I’ve seen.
1) No one told me there would be a test
Prior to Episode 1, the force was an omnipresent metaphysical energy, surrounding and passing through everyone and everything. And only a special few could manipulate it. Some for good, some for bad, the path of the force could lead to either good or evil.
In Episode 1, we learn that a certain level of midi-chlorians enabled people to use the force… and there was a test for it. In one stroke, we see the force change from a faith allegory to a chemical balance that could probably be treated by Ritalin.
Which brings up a nice little point. If I were the Emperor and aware of the danger the Jedi could present, I would be hell-bent to make sure that the “force test” was applied to everyone in the galaxy. No exclusions, just flat-out testing, often. Use it to find the potential allies, and to kill off the potential enemies. But that’s just me.
2) “I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids”
Is it just me, or did the end of Episode 1 seem like the end of a Scooby-Doo cartoon. The day wasn’t won because the just were better, or had faith in their victory, but because they were lucky. Not even the fun lucky that we enjoy, either. They won because Aniken bungled into destroying the main enemy ship. That’s right, bungled. He hit a wrong button to launch himself into space. He somehow managed to get himself trapped in the hanger of said enemy ship. And then escaped (and blew up the ship) only because he hit every button in his ship. Throw in a Great Dane (oops, forgot about Jar Jar), and you have the mystery all wrapped up.
3) Character development, we don’t need no stinkin’ character development!
Episode 1 revolved around a group of flat and uninteresting characters. All of them had the potential of becoming more, but didn’t. We had the maverick (at least according to Yoda… I never saw it in the movie) Qui-Gon, the young (and boring) Obi-Wan, the whiny Aniken, the (let’s face it) bratty Padme, and the rather disappointing poser bad-ass Darth Maul. The one character that could have redeemed himself failed to do that.
Yes, that’s right, Jar Jar could have redeemed his annoying, antic-based nature. How? I know, it does seem tough. But, think about the first movie (Episode 4). Han Solo starts off as a scoundrel, willing to do anything to save his butt, even kill in cold blood. By the end of the movie, we see Han actually grow. He starts to care about Luke and the others, even to the extent of forgoing his escape to save Luke when he needed the help. Granted, Lucas screwed that over when he made Solo shoot first, but we still see it in the special editions… sort of.
Now, Jar Jar (shudder) begins as an inept coward. An idiotic sidekick who goes from one antic to another. Yet, when given the chance, he because a leader in the Gungan army. Does he redeem himself? Does he straighten up, lose his cowardly ways and grow into a real leader? No, of course not. If he had, we wouldn’t curse the name Binks. We get “blessed” with what Lucas thought we wanted in a character, a schmuck who takes out his own troops, screws up the simplest of attacks, and somehow manages to get himself stuck to an enemy robot. Ugh!
4) Geez, I’d turn evil, too
The key to Aniken’s transformation into Darth Vader isn’t the perils he faces. It isn’t the horrific death of his mother. It’s Padme, the only character to show no form of growth between Episodes 1 and 2 (is you can call Obi-Wan’s beard growth). Well, that’s not exactly true, it seems her libido grows quite a bit, making her the biggest tease in the galaxy. When she sees Aniken for the first time in episode 2, she is practically drooling on him (remember, in spite of the seeming lack of aging for Padme, she is something like 10 years older than him… so, way to go girl, going after a younger guy!). “Why, Aniken, you’ve grown so big and strong.” The only thing was her grabbing Aniken’s ass. Almost immediately, she recoils, “but we can’t, you’re a Jedi and you’re not allowed.” (One statement that made many Star Wars fans become Mr. Spock fans… at least he gets it every 7 years). All fine and dandy, except that she does this at least three more times in the movie, almost jumping his bones, then pulling back, throwing the whole Jedi thing back in his face.
5) Umm, I said that?
Episodes 1 and 2 are loaded with contradictions, some of which have been mentioned in other rants. But, for some degree of completion, I’m repeating them here.
Obi-Wan says he was trained by Yoda in Empire Strike Back. But, in Episode 1, he is the padawan of Qui-Gon, who Yoda says is training him (which is the reason why Qui-Gon can’t train Aniken as well). Either padawan is another word for intern, or Obi-Wan was senile when he said Yoda trained him, totally forgetting Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan also says that when he met Aniken, he was already an accomplished pilot. Funny, I wouldn’t equate that goofy sled thing as a pilotable ship. Furthermore, Aniken never won before. They make a big point about that. I suppose Obi-Wan was just trying to make Aniken look better for Luke. “When I met your father, luke, he was a lot like you, a snot-nosed kid who never won a race before.” Yeah, that’s probably it.
One point that was brought up was that Ben never remembered owning droids, Granted, I don’t know what happened in Episode 3, but Ben never did own R2 and C3PO. Technically, it was true. But, unless he was senile and addled by Tatooine’s suns, he should have remembered them, even if he didn’t own them.
6) And the Oscar goes to… the Muppet!
One of the atrocities of Episode 2 is watching great actors like Samuel L. Jackson, Natalie Portman (she was great in The Professional) and the great Christopher Lee be outacted by a computer generated muppet. But, sadly, Yoda is the best actor in episode 2, which isn’t saying much. There are still great inconsistencies in how he’s portrayed. I particularly love how Yoda can barely walk without a cane, yet is able to leap around like a frog on speed and fight Darth Tyrannus. A friend of mine compared it to an old samurai film where the old nearly crippled master bursts into a frenetic dance of fighting prowess, without a thought to the fact that half his leg is missing. If anyone’s seen this movie, let me know. It sounds pretty cool, a lot better than Episode 2.
7) The one good thing about Episode 1
Kiera Knightley. Yes, Elizabeth Swan from Pirates of the Caribbean. She played the queen’s decoy. If nothing else, Episode 1 brought her to Hollywood’s attention. Yay!
8) The one good thing about Episode 2
Umm… There the… no… how about…. no… oh, there’s… no, that sucked, too. Well, at least it wasn’t Batman and Robin(shudder).
