The other day, I received a tweet from someone asking about my new girlfriend [name withheld, though it's on my tweet posts, so I don't really know why I'm withholding it]. For those who don’t know me:
1) I don’t have a new girlfriend
2) I don’t have the free time to get a new girlfriend
C) Even if I did have the time, I would not have the self-confidence to actually try to get one
Subsequent posts would later reveal that this person messaging me was, according to him, said new girlfriend’s husband.
Disregarding the above mentioned don’t have a girlfriend, don’t have time for a girlfriend, and not a person someone would not want to date anyway points, I have the highest regard for the sanctity of marriage, even if I’m not sure how to spell “sanctity.”
The worst part about all of this is that now I have to spend my time on Twitter trying to convince some irate guy that I’m not dating his wife behind his back instead of what Twitter was really meant to do: sending quick parody blurbs under #wookieeleaks (or #wookieleaks, depending on how you spell “wookiee”).